Continues later
October is a fairly cold time to go fishing in Kentucky, especially when you are cruising around the lake on a boat at 20 mph. Keeping his head down from the wind, Ugly double-checked the fishing gear as Rambo steered his boat where the local gas station attendant (and according to the plaque at the station, Master Fisherman: 12 year Dale Hollow Lake Bass and Trout Challenge International Invitational Grand Champion) had told him the location of the best trout fishing at the lake. It so happened this spot was five miles west from where their boat was launched.
1
"How long will it be till we get to the boat ramp?"
"Oh, about an hour."
"I can't wait until we can throw down at the lake. Some trout will be nice.
Isn't there an island we can camp on?"
"I don't know," Rambo said. "Let's stop at a store and get a map of the lake."
"And some honey-peanut butter," Ugly added. "We'll need some food if the fishing's slow this weekend. Not that we'll need it for sure, but just in case."
"Right, just in case Andy has already come up and threw down all the fish with some of his homemade napalm."
"I'm sure Carry would stop him. Why does Andy say, 'throw down' for everything. 'I'm gonna throw down this sandwich.' 'I'm gonna throw down this test.' 'Pat's gonna throw down on that other wrestler.' "
"I don't know," Rambo said. "Why do we say it?"
"Seemed to me like a good idea for me to throw.... COP! SLOW DOWN!"
"OH DAVEY! That was close," Rambo cut in. "I wouldn't have wanted this to be another North Carolina again. We've already skipped enough classes for a speeding ticket court appearance out of state. Oh Davey...Ugly, what made you say that whenever you fell off that ladder at the house we were painting?"
"Hey, I only fell three feet, and 'Oh Davey' was the first thing to come to mind. I dunno, most people say, CRAP! @#$#! Or DANG IT! Or as Andrew Jackson said once 'Damst!' I guess if feel that I have to be creative, making my own expression. I suppose Andy's throwing down inspired me. You have to make stuff up to keep things interesting. Like two weeks ago when we had that conversation only using 'waft' and 'throw down' for verbs."
"That was interesting, and I have no idea how that worked out." Rambo said.
"Well," Ugly continued, "I heard in one of those classes that communication is 50% culture and 50% body language. I infer from her wisdom that communication has nothing to do with words themselves. Amazing! She deserves the Nobel, Kennedy or something."
Rambo laughed, "Just shows what we are missing in class. Here's a gas station. Let's go, I need some gas, too."
2
Rambo and Ugly seem to be the model "have fun first, do school work later" college students. They are both good at procrastinating. Too good.
A few semesters before this fishing trip, Ugly was taking a public speaking course. In the course, a manuscript speech (one which the speaker prepares the speech as a manuscript and is presented) was required. Having made two speeches in this class already, Ugly felt too exhausted to pick a new topic. Finally the first day of presentations began and he still had no idea what his topic could be. Ugly was all right with that; there were always two class days worth of volunteers to give their speeches first. However, on this cool March morning, only three volunteers came forward. Ugly still wasn't worried, his name was in the middle of the class roster and it would be near impossible to be picked. Near impossible happens to Ugly all the time. When his name was called to give his manuscript speech, shocked didn't even come close to what he felt. Whatever he felt, he definitely was not showing it.
Ugly simply reached down into his leather satchel and randomly grabbed seven 8.5' x 11' sheets of typed paper, calmly walked up to the classroom podium, shuffled and straightened his papers. That day he gave one of the finest speeches on Learning any college student could deliver. Whenever Ugly could not think of a certain word he wanted to use, he simply acted as if he lost his place in his "manuscript".
Brilliant.
After his speech he received the grade from the professor.
89.
Good eye contact. The only bad thing in your presentation
is that you apparently lost your place in you manuscript twice.
Keep up the good work.
After class, Ugly could not contain himself any longer. He left the classroom laughing uncontrollably. While he was still laughing, I asked him "What was so funny? That last speech was as boring as lunch." Still laughing, Ugly handed me his "manuscript" and replied, "I think I'm abusing God's gifts."
3
"I've filled the jeep with gas," said Rambo. "You got the stuff?"
"Yep, I've got the map and the honey peanut butter."
"Sweet, sweet, honey peanut butter...maybe we'll eat some even if we catch some fish, I mean when we catch some fish."
"Sounds good to me"
"Let's go, the ramp's only a few minutes away. Looks like its going to storm."
"Yeah, we better hurry up, I would hate to miss class for nothing. Maybe the storm will pass."
"What'd you mean, you don't miss class for nothing every week?" replied Rambo.
"Hey, it's called Time Management. You go to the lectures you absolutely need to attend, roughly once a week or so, and skip the rest. Most lectures are just a waste of time. The profs usually just banter about their Princeton pedigrees and how much money they would take for bribes. But they don't even go for the bribes, just a waste of breath and Princeton pedigree. I once put in a 100 rupee bill in my history final exam, and my prof didn't even give me an 'A' for the final."
"But that's like what...two bucks?" said Rambo.
"It's still 100 rupees. He got a kick out of it though..."
"We're finally here. Looks like the storm headed south."
"And it's dark," added Ugly. "Where are we going to camp?"
Rambo replied, "I don't know. How about over there, by the lake?"
"Past the no entrance sign?" Ugly asked. "Sounds good to me."
4
Rambo parked the jeep and made sure the boat was secure while Ugly got the few items of gear they needed: two mummy bags, a dying flashlight, some bread, and the honey peanut-butter. They walked away from the Jeep toward the "no entrance" sign and the lake, about 1000 feet. After a few moments of searching, they let out their mummy bags and brought out the food.
"Hey, Ugly?"
"What."
"Didn't we bring a knife for the peanut butter?"
"Oh Dav-ey! I forgot. Here just use this." Ugly reached down for the bread. Picking it up he said "'Finger Condom.'"
"What?" laughed Rambo.
Ugly tore off part of the plastic from the bread wrapper, wrapped it around his finger, stuck it into the peanut butter and spread it over the bread. "My brother worked at a fast-food place. Whenever you get a cut on your finger at work, your supposed to put what they call a 'finger condom" over your cut finger so you won't get blood everywhere."
"I was beginning to think your crazy."
"I like to think of myself as innovated. Here's the peanut butter."
After the two finished eating and discoursing English linguistics they finally went to sleep. The next morning, Rambo woke up first. After appreciatively discovering that indeed it did not rain the night before he glanced around and couldn't find Ugly.
"UGLY!"
About 20 yards away Rambo heard some muffled mumbling. "That must be Ugly," Rambo said to himself. "Wake up! You almost rolled over into the lake last night."
A minute later, Ugly emerged from his sleeping bag. "I don't hear any boats on the lake.
"Then it's a good time to go. Good thing you woke up early for once."
"I can't help that I like to sleep in on cold mornings."
"That's probably how you started to skip so many classes."
"Must be."
Continues later